How to Fireproof Your Relationship

What are the secrets to a lasting relationship? What are your obligations to your partner? What should you do when you have a fight? How will you fix an argument? Is it okay to have a secret or do you need to reveal every thing to your spouse?

I have not written a blog in a long time. I can't even remember the last time I posted one. Anyway, I am back, and it feels great to be able to do something worthwhile, like writing something with a purpose.

I was inspired by the movie, FIREPROOF (2008), which I think every couple should watch. I promise, it's not preachy. It has just the right balance of morality, love, reality and belief in God. Yes, I believe in God. I think, He should be the center of every relationship. That's first and foremost.

But what happens after the courtship stage? When two people decide to be together, how should they handle temptation? Trials? Financial difficulties? Cultural differences? Age gap?


A MAN'S OBLIGATIONS

The man of the house, generally speaking, should be the bread winner. It is his responsibility to earn a living. Let me emphasize on the "TO EARN A LIVING" part. There are men who seem to be complacent. Yes, when there is an earning opportunity, they take it. But after that sideline, what happens? They just stay at home. Sometimes they play interactive games, pretending to be housesitting or babysitting (if they already have kids). Or, they may go out with friends, pretending to be "looking" for a job but never finding one. In short, they don't have a permanent job. The result? They have no financial security. They keep telling their family that he will take care of it and there is nothing to worry about. He acts as if he is in control. But in reality, nothing happens.

A man should be man enough to act. As long as he has the physical and mental capacity to work, he has to exert all efforts to provide for his family. Again, let me emphasize on the "PROVIDE FOR HIS FAMILY" part. If you are the husband, especially if you already have kids, don't be contented just sitting around, waiting for others to share their blessings with you. In Filipino, "Huwag kang umasa sa puro delihensiya. Huwag makuntento sa pa-sideline-sideline lang." You are not alone anymore. When you were single, that was okay. But now that you have a wife and kids, you have to do more than that. Again, be a man.

Aside from providing financial support to your family, it is also your obligation to implement discipline to your kids. Love them, make them feel safe and protected but never tolerate rudeness and disrespect. Your wife is your partner in doing all these. She is not your servant. She is not your kids' nanny. She is their mother, so make sure that your kids realize that. Show your kids how their mother should be respected and loved. Show your wife how much you appreciate her cooking. She does the laundry, cleans the house and takes care of you and your kids. Sometimes, she does the budgeting, too. Make sure that she will be able to perform her duties happily. It may not always be convenient, but if you are good partners, you will be doing every thing with contentment. Nothing beats coming home to a prudent wife and great kids who bring you honor. That's a happy life.

"House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord." - Proverbs 19:14

"A son honors his father, and a servant his master: If then I be a father, where is my honor?" - Malachi 1:6


A WOMAN'S OBLIGATIONS

Today, there are lots of working women. Sometimes, the wife works and the husband stays at home. Or, both of them work and someone will be housesitting or babysitting. These are the times and there is nothing wrong with any of these setups. However, let me reiterate, that as long as the husband has the physical and mental capacity to work, he should be the first one to do so.

Let's say the husband has a job but the wife wants to help with the finances. That's fine. Especially, if they do not have kids yet. By both husband and wife working, they will be able to save faster for their family's future.

What if they have kids already? I would prefer the conventional setup: the husband works and the wife stays at home. She can take care of the kids and the house, do the laundry, cook the meals and help her husband with his things. Please take note that what a wife does at home is a much more tedious job, although she does not get paid for it. It is not easy to get up at 4:00 in the morning, prepare breafast, pack their lunch and press their clothes. When the husband and kids have left, the wife cleans the house, does the laundry and attends to so many things. I am referring to a "prudent wife" as mentioned in the Bible, of course. I am not referring to women who spend much of their time in parlors or in front of the TV.

Going back... When the kids are back from school, the wife will focus her attention on them again, helps with their homework, prepares snacks or dinner, gives them a bath and do so much more. Of course, when the husband comes home, she will make him comfortable, prepares him dinner, listens to his stories, gives him a massage, fixes him coffee, serves him and his friends when they are around. She does her best to make him happy, in every way possible. Man's life would be miserable without a prudent wife beside him. Again, I am talking about marriage in general. And again, I am referring to the normal course of things.

Can these obligations be reversed? Yes. If a man is physically or mentally incapacitated, the wife may be the bread winner. Or, when a wife gives birth or is sick, the husband may do the cooking, wash the dishes, do the laundry, clean the house and take care of the kids. It will not make him a lesser man. Or, even if the woman is not sick, the man may give her a break. Come on, she works every day from morning until night (I can't even finish a 20-piece laundry job without complaining about back pains). Substituting her once in a while would be a very sweet and thoughtful gesture. Inasmuch as the wife makes the husband happy, it should not stop there. It should be reciprocal. The husband has an obligation to make his wife happy, too.

Now, should there be difficult times, the two should be strong and stick together. Don't blame your partner for anything. Whatever your partner has done, especially if the intention was good, always support each other. You never leave your partner, especially in a fire (FIREPROOF movie). Always recall your wedding vows: "To love, to hold, to cherish for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, 'til death do us part." I just hope couples would really understand this vow and live by it.



HOW ABOUT SECRETS?

Anything that involves the relationship should not be kept a secret. If a husband wants to change jobs, he should tell his wife, explain the situation and discuss his plans. He should be open to hear his wife's reactions and suggestions. If there is a financial crisis, the couple should talk about every detail immediately, assess their economic status, think about their options and prepare their contingency plan. Do not make any decision on your own without telling your partner. This includes getting a loan, withdrawing from your family savings account, diverting funds and revising the budget. It does not matter who earns more, the husband or the wife. When a couple decide to create a family, they agree to be one in every thing. Marriage is sacred. Keep it sacred.

"And said, 'For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.'" - Matthew 19:5-6


HOW ABOUT TEMPTATION AND INFIDELITY?

Before I discuss this topic, I would like you to read and understand this Biblical verse first:

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." - I Corinthians 10:13

In Filipino:

"Hindi dumating sa inyo ang anomang tukso kundi yaong matitiis ng tao: datapuwa't tapat ang Dios, na hindi niya itutulot na kayo'y tuksuhin ng higit sa inyong makakaya; kundi kalakip ng tukso ay gagawin naman ang paraan ng pag-ilag, upang ito'y inyong matiis." - I Corinto 10:13


Temptation 101

It is a fact that temptation can be everywhere. At the office. At the mall. Along the road. Around your neighborhood. On Facebook. On your cellphone. The fact is, eventually, you will definitely see someone more attractive, more interesting, younger and fresher. It starts with a smile. With her scent. With his muscles. With his friendliness. With her sweetness. With her thoughtfulness. With her long legs. With his great chest. With her short skirt. With a cup of coffee. With a seat that was shared. That's stage one. In most cases, you won't even notice that it already started. If you hear anyone teasing, you would even say they are ridiculous. Here comes the cliche: "We're just friends" and "we're not doing anything wrong."


Temptation 102

The next stage involves lunch out, secret texting (you will not show the messages to your partner and you delete them right away). Sometimes, you even change the person's name on your phonebook. Or, you put a password on your phone and computer. You become paranoid at times. Of course, when you are with this other person, there is tapping of shoulder, touching of hands and you will make excuses, like we're just kidding or teasing. In Filipino, "Ganun lang talaga kami. Mga kalog lang talaga, puno ng kalokohan, ang gugulo namin, very close na kasi ang samahan. Pero wala namang malisya sa amin yun."


Temptation 103

What happens next is up to you. The next stage is limitless and it is very dangerous. That's when temptation swallows you whole. That's when infidelity justifies itself. Then, you see all faults in your partner. You begin to think about how happy you are with this other person and how boring your partner has become. There, the family is ruined.

Well, I was not born yesterday. I have seen a lot of couples ruined by unnecessary texting. I've seen husbands cheating on their wives with their sexy secretaries or co-workers. It is okay to have friends from the opposite sex, but you have to know your limits. We are humans and when we give way to temptation, it will definitely defeat you. If there is a will, there is a way. God will not allow a temptation to come to your life, if you cannot bear it. He will make you strong. He teaches you various ways on how to avoid it. The problem is, there are people who entertain temptation. Not only do they entertain temptation when it comes, they even invite it to come. And here is that cliche again: "I'm just human and nobody's perfect."

Man is God's masterpiece. Out of all the creation, it was man alone that God formed with His hands from the dust of the ground and breathed into his notrils the breath of life. Don't ever, ever say "I'm just human." You are God's towering masterpiece, He offers to help you when there is temptation and He teaches us morality and holiness. By giving in to temptation, you are tantamount to letting your Creator down. You would be a disgrace to humanity.

Don't get me wrong. If you resisted temptation and did your best to uphold God's moral standards but you still slipped, it does not mean right away that you failed God. Let's check out the details and investigate on the situation. If you did not intentionally commit the sin, you may be forgiven. One fault does not define you. However, a recurring event is a different case.



IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO HAVE OCCASIONAL FLINGS OR TO WOMANIZE?

This is probably a guy's question. Sometimes, a guy will justify that he's just having fun. He goes out with his friends to a bar and picks up a random girl and have a one-night stand. His reason? He goes home to his wife, anyway. Is that a big deal?

The answer is simple. Is it okay if your wife has a fling with other guys? Is it okay for a wife to have an affair with other guys? If your answer is YES, then stop reading this blog. It means that you are sick and has no respect for morality and God's words. But if your answer is NO, then you know what to do. Let me say this again, MARRIAGE is SACRED. Keep it sacred.

"Marriage is honourable in all, the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." - Hebrews 13:4